"Meet me in Montauk"

I left work sometime after 6 pm today, finally making up all of the hours that I needed to make up due to having no vacation time left for the year. As I was crossing the distance on foot between office and car, I checked my phone and was reminded that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was being streamed for free tonight starting at 6:55. I drove home not slowly, stopping at Five Guys along the way to pick up a burger. I got home shortly before 6:55 and started the stream, finding out that the movie actually begins at 7:05, so I inhaled the burger and cleaned up before pouring myself a larger than normal amount of Talisker and sat down in front of my computer just in time for the start of the movie on a Friday night.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has always been one of my favorite movies since I first saw it over 13 years ago, but this viewing really hit me the most. I felt like I needed it this time. It feels like it's been several weeks since I've really been myself. It seems like some people have noticed something different about me lately, and not for the better. Sleeping at night has become a problem lately. I feel like I'm a zombie during most days. Pretending that everything is fine has become tiresome. I feel bad for making other people feel genuinely concerned for me. Somewhere deep down inside I know that everything will be fine, but it'll take getting through day after day after day to get there. This year has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride so far. I know that I can make it through this mental cloud, even if sometimes it feels otherwise.