uhhhhhhhhhh 2017

Hi. This will be a quick and not very well-thought-out post because I'm trying to cram it in before the new year. A few things happened in 2017:

• Flew around a lot and ended up an A-lister for the first (and probably only) time.
• Changed programs at work and now I feel more challenged and engaged at work.
• Played some Magic to very middling and unexciting results.
• Completed another Tough Mudder and ran an entire 5k for the first time (to the detriment of my knees).
• Ate Gus's Fried Chicken. 10/10 will do again.
• Saw a total (well, something like 93%) solar eclipse.
• Successfully replaced light switches in my bathroom electrocution-free.
• Put up some wall decor inside my home, mostly due to an observation from someone who I cared a lot about that my walls were "very beige."
• Started dating actual strangers from the internet, which sounds like everything that your parents told you not to do as a kid in the 90s but is completely normal today.

We'll see what happens in 2018.

"Meet me in Montauk"

I left work sometime after 6 pm today, finally making up all of the hours that I needed to make up due to having no vacation time left for the year. As I was crossing the distance on foot between office and car, I checked my phone and was reminded that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was being streamed for free tonight starting at 6:55. I drove home not slowly, stopping at Five Guys along the way to pick up a burger. I got home shortly before 6:55 and started the stream, finding out that the movie actually begins at 7:05, so I inhaled the burger and cleaned up before pouring myself a larger than normal amount of Talisker and sat down in front of my computer just in time for the start of the movie on a Friday night.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has always been one of my favorite movies since I first saw it over 13 years ago, but this viewing really hit me the most. I felt like I needed it this time. It feels like it's been several weeks since I've really been myself. It seems like some people have noticed something different about me lately, and not for the better. Sleeping at night has become a problem lately. I feel like I'm a zombie during most days. Pretending that everything is fine has become tiresome. I feel bad for making other people feel genuinely concerned for me. Somewhere deep down inside I know that everything will be fine, but it'll take getting through day after day after day to get there. This year has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride so far. I know that I can make it through this mental cloud, even if sometimes it feels otherwise.